Some women are still like slaves in the U.S. to be bought and sold by men and our government condones it. If men work for a company all of their adult lives they receive a pension for thirty years of devoted service. Women on the other hand, particularly those who have had no career of their own outside of being a homemaker, if they are lucky, receive a certain amount of “pension” referred to as alimony. The problem is that they can never marry again with out losing that money.
A man can remarry with out losing his pension but a woman , if she marries again , she supposedly becomes the “property” of her new husband so therefore the alimony stops. It is as though all the years she put in as maid, cook, nanny, companion, household manager, lover, hostess, personal shopper, partner in business endeavors, chauffeur, psychologist, nurse, broodmare, etc. never existed.
If a man were to have to pay for all those services from someone else the cost would be astronomical, but they are all received free of charge under the guise of “marriage”, from an unsuspecting female who is under the illusion that she will live “happily ever after”.
Generally, when the woman first suspects she has been “had” is when the children are raised, the husband is successful, commanding a large salary that she helped him to achieve and he decides that he no longer needs her any more and decides to trade her in for a newer
(younger) model.
What happens then? After the initial disbelief, breakdown and grieving, she tries to find a job, which isn’t always easy if she has had no training other than the domestic work she did for her husband. Sometimes the judge will award temporary alimony until she can get vocational training…In cases of older women the judge will award “permanent” alimony, which will terminate if the woman ever remarries as though she would then become the property of another man who will provide for her. A man on the other hand can remarry whomever and whenever he wishes and his income remains unchanged.
In earlier days the social norm was for a woman to marry shortly out of school, perhaps having a brief career before marriage which was usually given up to become a housewife…The “Mrs. Cleaver” syndrome.
Women did not question the practicality of this move because most marriages lasted in those days…My grandparents were married 60 years. The woman’s natural role was to care for the children and to keep the home fires burning. She rarely even considered preparing herself for the necessity of having to earn her own living. Men’s and women’s roles were clearly defined…Men went to work and were the bread winners while the woman ran the household. Sometimes the woman would work outside the home in the early years of marriage at a menial job so the husband could go to college while foregoing her own education. During the marriage at times of economic downturn the woman would sometimes take in laundry or baby sit other people’s children to help make ends meet.
I don’t know who decided that all that work and effort on the woman’s part was supposed to be freely given to the man.
During the 1960’s things started to change. Women decided to have careers outside the home and prepared themselves through education to be able to earn a decent living for themselves. Some women didn’t think marriage was a necessity for having children. For some of the career women that was all right, but for many more women who weren’t able to support themselves and their children, the government became their “husband” providing them with a check every month and food stamps as well. These were “informed” choices these women made because the world’s view of men’s and women’s roles had already changed. The idea of marriage as a career choice for women was obsolete.
The problems were for the unsuspecting older woman who was married under the old school of thought, before “woman’s lib,” who was still playing by the old rules. She entered into marriage genuinely thinking it was the right thing to do because her mother and grandmother and all prior generations had done it. It never occurred to her that the rug would literally be pulled out from under her after she had devoted all of her youth to her husband. The poorest economic sector of the US is the older female, who no doubt did not prepare to support herself when she was young because she trusted the institution of marriage to provide for her.
What adds insult to injury is the fact, not only of the alimony stopping if a woman remarries, but her Social Security check stops too. If a divorced woman has never worked outside the home and she has been married to the same man for 10 years or more she can draw off her husband’s Social Security benefits without his being decreased in any way. He still gets the same amount and she gets the equivalent of roughly one third of the amount he receives. How they think that is fair, I will never know, but regardless, that is how it is. If she remarries, the benefits stop, under the assumption she is like a piece of livestock being “sold” to another “owner”. No consideration being given to the years of hard work, sleepless nights and self deprivation she endured while keeping house for her husband.
They don’t even have un-employment for displaced homemakers to give them a chance to regain their equilibrium. One day they have a home and happy family and the next day they are pushing a shopping cart down the tracks containing all their earthly belongings (not such an outrageous exaggeration).
Some older women can support themselves if they are lucky enough to be able to find an employer that will hire an older person with virtually no experience .Even if she goes back to school, competition is tough and jobs are scarce.
If the woman has a family to fall back on that is a great help but if she is alone in the world, she will be very lucky to be able to attain a decent lifestyle on her own.
This is why many older women are forced to make certain choices that are not in keeping with their religious upbringing and moral beliefs such as cohabitating with a man outside of wedlock. “Shacking up” has become the only way a lot of women can survive today.
If she marries the new man, her income will stop. Even if he professes to love her and keep her, how can she trust that it will be true this time when it wasn’t before with her last husband?
There definitely have to be some changes made to the system that keeps women in the role of slaves to be passed from one man to another as property when she has worked all her life in a thankless marriage to be discarded at the husband’s whim. Yes, the women of the last generation were naïve to have let this happen to them and if they had it to do over chances are they would not. However, the fact remains there are still some relics of the old social order that are suffering the consequences of the way things were done then.
A woman’s alimony should be viewed as compensation for services rendered and not be stopped when she remarries. She still put in her time and effort. Why should it stop if she remarries? It doesn’t make sense. Certainly the Social Security should continue if she remarries and she should be given the same amount her husband gets as she was working at home for him all those years to enable him to accrue all those benefits.
Once you are divorced if you are fortunate enough to find another man you can love,
it is very difficult to not be able to marry him, and to not be accorded the rights of being a wife. Even if you and he want to marry, the financial repercussions can be devastating.
Living in sin is sometimes the only way to survive financially.
I have not seen very much written on this subject. It is time this issue was faced head on and corrected. These women have nothing to be ashamed of. They are not slackers looking for a hand out. They are the wives and mothers that made our country strong. They are the hands that rocked the cradle. How can it be that they can be treated so unfairly and then be the butt of jokes and be jeered at by the very men to whom they devoted their lives.
I’m sure this will not be a popular topic among the male sector of the population that have perpetuated this dominance over females for so long.
There are ladies suffering in silence that are too proud to speak up or complain.
The law must be changed to require permanent and fair compensation for home makers and must include, retroactively, all the mothers, grandmothers and housewives that devoted their lives to their families that are sitting out there broke wondering what happened. © VXA 2009
A man can remarry with out losing his pension but a woman , if she marries again , she supposedly becomes the “property” of her new husband so therefore the alimony stops. It is as though all the years she put in as maid, cook, nanny, companion, household manager, lover, hostess, personal shopper, partner in business endeavors, chauffeur, psychologist, nurse, broodmare, etc. never existed.
If a man were to have to pay for all those services from someone else the cost would be astronomical, but they are all received free of charge under the guise of “marriage”, from an unsuspecting female who is under the illusion that she will live “happily ever after”.
Generally, when the woman first suspects she has been “had” is when the children are raised, the husband is successful, commanding a large salary that she helped him to achieve and he decides that he no longer needs her any more and decides to trade her in for a newer
(younger) model.
What happens then? After the initial disbelief, breakdown and grieving, she tries to find a job, which isn’t always easy if she has had no training other than the domestic work she did for her husband. Sometimes the judge will award temporary alimony until she can get vocational training…In cases of older women the judge will award “permanent” alimony, which will terminate if the woman ever remarries as though she would then become the property of another man who will provide for her. A man on the other hand can remarry whomever and whenever he wishes and his income remains unchanged.
In earlier days the social norm was for a woman to marry shortly out of school, perhaps having a brief career before marriage which was usually given up to become a housewife…The “Mrs. Cleaver” syndrome.
Women did not question the practicality of this move because most marriages lasted in those days…My grandparents were married 60 years. The woman’s natural role was to care for the children and to keep the home fires burning. She rarely even considered preparing herself for the necessity of having to earn her own living. Men’s and women’s roles were clearly defined…Men went to work and were the bread winners while the woman ran the household. Sometimes the woman would work outside the home in the early years of marriage at a menial job so the husband could go to college while foregoing her own education. During the marriage at times of economic downturn the woman would sometimes take in laundry or baby sit other people’s children to help make ends meet.
I don’t know who decided that all that work and effort on the woman’s part was supposed to be freely given to the man.
During the 1960’s things started to change. Women decided to have careers outside the home and prepared themselves through education to be able to earn a decent living for themselves. Some women didn’t think marriage was a necessity for having children. For some of the career women that was all right, but for many more women who weren’t able to support themselves and their children, the government became their “husband” providing them with a check every month and food stamps as well. These were “informed” choices these women made because the world’s view of men’s and women’s roles had already changed. The idea of marriage as a career choice for women was obsolete.
The problems were for the unsuspecting older woman who was married under the old school of thought, before “woman’s lib,” who was still playing by the old rules. She entered into marriage genuinely thinking it was the right thing to do because her mother and grandmother and all prior generations had done it. It never occurred to her that the rug would literally be pulled out from under her after she had devoted all of her youth to her husband. The poorest economic sector of the US is the older female, who no doubt did not prepare to support herself when she was young because she trusted the institution of marriage to provide for her.
What adds insult to injury is the fact, not only of the alimony stopping if a woman remarries, but her Social Security check stops too. If a divorced woman has never worked outside the home and she has been married to the same man for 10 years or more she can draw off her husband’s Social Security benefits without his being decreased in any way. He still gets the same amount and she gets the equivalent of roughly one third of the amount he receives. How they think that is fair, I will never know, but regardless, that is how it is. If she remarries, the benefits stop, under the assumption she is like a piece of livestock being “sold” to another “owner”. No consideration being given to the years of hard work, sleepless nights and self deprivation she endured while keeping house for her husband.
They don’t even have un-employment for displaced homemakers to give them a chance to regain their equilibrium. One day they have a home and happy family and the next day they are pushing a shopping cart down the tracks containing all their earthly belongings (not such an outrageous exaggeration).
Some older women can support themselves if they are lucky enough to be able to find an employer that will hire an older person with virtually no experience .Even if she goes back to school, competition is tough and jobs are scarce.
If the woman has a family to fall back on that is a great help but if she is alone in the world, she will be very lucky to be able to attain a decent lifestyle on her own.
This is why many older women are forced to make certain choices that are not in keeping with their religious upbringing and moral beliefs such as cohabitating with a man outside of wedlock. “Shacking up” has become the only way a lot of women can survive today.
If she marries the new man, her income will stop. Even if he professes to love her and keep her, how can she trust that it will be true this time when it wasn’t before with her last husband?
There definitely have to be some changes made to the system that keeps women in the role of slaves to be passed from one man to another as property when she has worked all her life in a thankless marriage to be discarded at the husband’s whim. Yes, the women of the last generation were naïve to have let this happen to them and if they had it to do over chances are they would not. However, the fact remains there are still some relics of the old social order that are suffering the consequences of the way things were done then.
A woman’s alimony should be viewed as compensation for services rendered and not be stopped when she remarries. She still put in her time and effort. Why should it stop if she remarries? It doesn’t make sense. Certainly the Social Security should continue if she remarries and she should be given the same amount her husband gets as she was working at home for him all those years to enable him to accrue all those benefits.
Once you are divorced if you are fortunate enough to find another man you can love,
it is very difficult to not be able to marry him, and to not be accorded the rights of being a wife. Even if you and he want to marry, the financial repercussions can be devastating.
Living in sin is sometimes the only way to survive financially.
I have not seen very much written on this subject. It is time this issue was faced head on and corrected. These women have nothing to be ashamed of. They are not slackers looking for a hand out. They are the wives and mothers that made our country strong. They are the hands that rocked the cradle. How can it be that they can be treated so unfairly and then be the butt of jokes and be jeered at by the very men to whom they devoted their lives.
I’m sure this will not be a popular topic among the male sector of the population that have perpetuated this dominance over females for so long.
There are ladies suffering in silence that are too proud to speak up or complain.
The law must be changed to require permanent and fair compensation for home makers and must include, retroactively, all the mothers, grandmothers and housewives that devoted their lives to their families that are sitting out there broke wondering what happened. © VXA 2009
